It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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