she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
