I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
