Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
tequila makes me forget i have legs
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
