dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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