My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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