my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
