I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
