I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
