That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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