I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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