OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I currently don't understand fingers.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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