what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
