worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
