now i know why i became what i already was.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
