she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
