Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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