too bad you live with your parents still
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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