dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
ok first of all what the fuck
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
