yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
