I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
