I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
