her vagine was all disorganized.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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