I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
