Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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