girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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