I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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