you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
