It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants