Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.