I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
She announced her abortion via fbk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here