Small penises have feelings too.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles