We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
