dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
