Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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