Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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