what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
