So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
