I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
