Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
