She is in my trunk
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
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His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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