Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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