By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
