She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
