Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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