you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
