Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
