At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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