And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
