I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
