I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
