I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize