I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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