no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
