can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
