thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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