Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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