Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
