Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Be still, my beating vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
