If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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