I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
