WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
