I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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